Most that know me knows I'm quiet majority of the time, but very few has seen me upset and when I'm upset I most always go silent or "I shut down" in the words of my dad. There is a reason I do this and it's not to ignore anyone nor to be inferior. I go silent in arguments of any kind to keep my words at bay. I don't want to say something I'll regret so I stop talking, and I can focus my mind on calming down. It's a defensive mechanism for me.
However, everytime I do "shut down" makes my dad angry but when I try to speak either to explain calmly something, the argument continues because he gets mad at whatever I say. Like today for example, something stupid we argued about and I understood what he was saying but when I'm upset with something (which was over my phone) my mind panics thinking of a solution that it goes on defensive mode which makes him more mad and when someone is showing their anger results myself to become even more defensive because I feel that anger is directed at me. I know it's confusing and I don't understand it myself, but it's how I always was. But what was said was he requested something and I corrected him calmly because I like to explain things (which gets him mad too...) which resulted him getting more tense at me. I can't win neither damn way. I go silent and he gets annoyed but when I explain myself it just fuels the argument...
Silence is my retreat because I think if I quit talking the argument will go away sooner and it prevents me from saying something stupid. it might not solve the argument but it's better than exchanging words that fuel the fire. I just feel trapped when I'm in situations like this morning so I just try my best and isolate myself from the situation, usualy by taking a nap. Childish? No, sleeping helps me. Either lets me bring out the tears and sink away to a realm of my own where I'm not near anything that is angry with me. It's calming and a good escape for me.
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